Still Cranky

As I walk along Columbus Avenue on my way to work, I quickly dodge an electric scooter zooming down the sidewalk, narrowly missing hapless pedestrians. The scooter isn’t being ridden by a rambunctious 10-year-old. It is commandeered by what appears to be a fully-grown adult.

Moments later, I spot a twenty-something dude wearing a hoodie and surly attitude careening down the street on a skateboard. At first glance, it looks like he’s dressed to meet his bros at the skate park. But then I realize that he’s on his way to work. He may even be the CEO.

Next door to my office, a hip new workshare space has just opened. The brightly colored décor could be described as Early Sesame Street; the interior is filled with bicycles, beanbag chairs, and the mandatory ping-pong table. I almost expect to see juice boxes and stuffed animals. (One such facility in SOMA is fittingly named “Sandbox Suites”).

Welcome to San Francisco. Or, as I like to call it, “The City That Won’t Grow Up.”  Aka “Daycare by the Bay.”

The city that was once home to rebellious Sixties youth culture is now ground zero for Peter Pan Syndrome.

I suspect Peter himself would be proud of the inhabitants of this new Neverland. These kids haven’t just embraced their inner child—they’ve got that child in a death grip ­­and they’re not letting go.

No wonder cupcake shops have sprung up on every corner. The young women on my morning bus clutch their enormous BPA-free water bottles as if cradling giant sippy cups. And while our local Millennials gladly leave home without an American Express Card, they wouldn’t dream of going out without their emotional-support Labradoodle.

So it’s no surprise that San Francisco is home to the Museum of Ice Cream. According to its website, the museum was inspired by the founder’s “childhood dream of jumping into a pool full of sprinkles.”

In a recent article, the twenty-something museum founder and creative director enthused, “…after my visit to the San Francisco Museum of Ice Cream, 10 plastic sprinkles shook loose from the inside of my shoe. On an otherwise bland day of adulting, the colorful little keepsakes were a welcome reminder to lighten up…”

Yes, adulting can get old fast. And in San Francisco, if there’s one thing no one wants to do, it’s get old. Or even put on their big-boy pants.

Fortunately for the “I Won’t Grow Up—Or Do Any Adulting!” crowd, they live in a city that indulges their every whim. Like a permissive parent who refuses to discipline an impudent child, San Francisco enables immature and sometimes bad behavior all under the guise of “innovation,” “creativity,” and the ever-popular “disruption.”  Want to ride your electric scooter on the sidewalk? No problem! Feel like skateboarding in the middle of traffic, and maybe running a few red lights? Awesome, dude! Can’t wait to board a crowded Muni bus, oblivious to the fact that you are smashing your super-sized backpack into other passengers? You go right ahead, sweetheart! After all, the world revolves around YOU.

This is what happens when a generation sorely in need of adult supervision is given free rein in a city that refuses to create—let alone enforce—sensible rules or regulations of any kind. Our already legendary reputation for tolerance has reached new levels of absurdity.

Sure, things were always lax here. But now that the entire place has been infected by the “move fast and break things” startup ethos, virtually anything goes. Bad behavior is not only tolerated—it’s celebrated. It seems a lot of nice things, from common courtesy to pedestrian safety, are getting broken in the process.

Of course, San Francisco’s overly permissive attitude is hardly limited to young people. But the city’s youthful denizens certainly know how to exploit it to the max.

Am I just an embittered, old person who wants to deny the kids their fun? Probably. But I know I’m not the only longtime San Francisco resident who is constantly astonished at the behavior of our younger neighbors. The city is their playground. The rest of us just live in it.

 

 

 

  What?  Yet another Old Person Rant about Millennials?  Haven’t these kids been ridiculed enough? By now, we know all the stereotypes by heart: Millennials are fragile, coddled, lazy, entitled snowflakes who take nonstop Selfies and keep count of endless micro-aggressions.

I don't mean to pile on to this already much maligned generation. But I'm afraid I must. You see, I live in San Francisco — a city swarming with Millennials — so I am forced to constantly observe their habits. Like an anthropologist studying an exotic species, I can't help but notice how these delicate young creatures maneuver through their environment, as well as how that environment has adapted to cater to these creatures' rarefied tastes.

Recently, all of this intense observation lead to to an "Aha!" moment. "Aha!", I thought, "these Millennials not only apply a purity test to all things political and social, they apply a purity test to everything in their lives.”

Suddenly, all of my random observations made perfect sense; I was witnessing something I call “Millennial Purity”.

Oh, you already know about this? Ok, I guess I just have a keen sense of the obvious. But if you will indulge me for a moment, here are just a few examples of Millennial Purity that have caught my beady-eyed gaze…

Food

We know Millennials are all about natural/organic/gluten-free/vegetarian/vegan/locally sourced/artisanal/farm-to-table. Living a healthy lifestyle is obviously important to them. As it should be. But with Millennials, healthy eating takes on a holier-than-thou quality, with a just a dash of self-righteousness thrown in for extra flavor. It's as if their oh-so-pure bodies (and souls) can't be tainted by any food that isn't 100% "clean" (you know, like all that unclean food favored by Boomers). 

One of my earliest glimpses of Millennial Purity came in the form of the Panera commercials. Panera was one of the first companies to jump on the Millennial Purity bandwagon. In an effort to appeal to the Pure Generation, Panera totally revamped their menu and their image; now they only serve Clean Food. The Panera “Medical Students” spot is an insufferable homage to Millennial Purity. I don’t know what’s more annoying; the croaky, Hipster Baby voiceover or the entire premise. “Let’s get a sandwich…or something” reeks of Millennial righteousness.  And the smug tagline: “Food as it Should Be” almost makes me choke on my Deep Fried Twinkies.

Not long after this campaign started running, I suddenly noticed new eateries cropping up around San Francisco with names like Proper Food, True Food Kitchen, Urban Remedy, Beloved Cafe and Vitality Bowls. That's when it finally dawned on me: Oh, now I get it: Clean Food is a thing. Of course, Millennials need something to wash all that Clean Food down with. Which brings me to…

Juicing!

How many juice bars does it take to quench a Millennial's thirst? In my neighborhood, the answer is: at least one per block. Seriously. A friend visiting from the East told me she'd never seen so many juice bars within a 5-block radius. I guess Millennials must be really thirsty!

These establishments have names like Thrive Cleanse, Fine and Rare, Native Juice Co. and Project Juice (slogan: “Drink Juice. Eat clean.”). One menu features “So Clean, Clean Juice”. Entering a cold-pressed juicery is like entering a Temple of Purity and Enlightenment; everything is white/minimal/clean. The favored decor for these emporiums is a spartan, brightly lit space with a refrigerated case containing a few bottles of juice, displayed as if they were holy, magical elixirs. That Kale/Cucumber/Cayenne juice you’re sipping isn't a mere beverage, it's the door to spiritual awakening.

I hate to harsh Millennials’ collective mellow, but I must point out that for every cold-pressed juice bar in my neighborhood, there’s a regular kind of bar where many Young Puritans binge drink on a regular basis. On the weekends, the scene resembles a drunken frat and sorority house free-for-all. But no worries. The easiest way to atone for a heavy night of drinking (and get the bitter taste of hypocrisy out of your mouth) is to simply hit the juice bar the next morning for a Cayenne/Aloe cleanse! And don’t forget, if you're going to imbibe, there’s always Craft Beer. Sure, it’s alcohol, but it’s artisanal.

 Yoga

While yoga is popular with all ages, Millennials are completely obsessed with yoga. In San Francisco, no self-respecting 20-something female would be caught without a yoga mat tucked under one arm, like an extra appendage, and a Lululemon totebag dangling from the other wrist.  

One reason why Millennials love yoga is, Millennials are very stressed. As Millennial yoga instructor Morgan Casavant explains it: “We’re expected to go to college and make good grades. Then we work for free in some bullsh*t internship for ‘resume experience’. When we finally enter the workforce as real, salary-making adults, we’re barely making enough to cover rent and student loans. Thankfully yoga is there, reminding us to take a deep breath because everything is temporary. We will get through this.” (Warning: there are some very stressed and angry Millennials out there. You may not want to place your yoga mat too close to them).

Yoga also offers delicate Millennials a Safe Space. According to Morgan, "Yoga is a no-judgement zone all about self-expression and being true to who you are. Millennials have plenty of ways to express themselves with all the cute yoga accessories out there!" (in other words, yoga class is a great place to show off your toned, SoulCycle bod).

Of course, Millennials are also really into Mindfulness. Health and Wellness writer, Cory Keating, author of the Peaceful Dumpling blog, says, "Millennials desperately need Mindfulness more than any other generation…Millennials are stressed out and do not feel awake in their everyday life." She adds, "…Mindfulness encourages you to be open to experiences, yourself, and others from a nonjudgmental place, leading to greater interconnectivity. Mindful interaction can bring us closer, reduce conflict, and make life a little less stressful." Apparently, Millennial Mindfulness stops at the yoga studio door. How else do you explain all those really loud cell phone conversations on my bus ride to work every day? How mindful is that?

"Curated"

Millennials have an inflated sense of their own uniqueness. They are super special beings who are super particular about what they eat, drink, wear, and buy. So it stands to reason that is no longer acceptable to simply offer this crowd a lovely selection of shoes/handbags/whatever. Heavens no. Everything has to be carefully curated.

Take makeup, for instance. Millennials wouldn't dream of using any makeup. No, their beauty products need to be curated. Or, in some cases, pre-curated. Emily Weiss, Founder and CEO of the Millennial beauty lifestyle brand, Glossier, says, “Our range is small by design. It’s a tightly, pre-curated collection of the most relevant beauty products today.” (Ladies, when was the last time you asked, “Is my concealer relevant?”).

Then there's Birchbox. Just sign up for a subscription, and Birchbox will send you a monthly Curated Box containing a selection of 5 small beauty samples, packaged in a cute, highly Instagramable box. Oops, did I say “selection”? Sorry. It’s a collection.

Casper Mattresses

There's no question the mattress industry could use some serious re-inventing (for reasons I've described in horrifying detail). 

Enter Casper. Casper markets itself as the hip mattress for Millennials (I guess more Millennials are moving out of their parents houses and need mattresses). The mattresses have a clean, basic, utilitarian look. They sport simple, non-frou frou names like The Wave, The Casper, and The Essential — names that appeal to Millennial Purity. But here's the kicker: Instead of being delivered by a grimy, old truck, you order your Casper mattress online and it arrives in a box. If you’re wondering how on earth they fit a full-size mattress in a box, well, they do. Their “Unboxing” commercial shows a barefooted, t-shirt wearing Millennial removing a full-size mattress from a surprisingly small box (it's kind of like like watching clowns emerge from a tiny car). The "Unboxing" commercial has just the slightest air of Millennial Superiority. Its unspoken message is: you tired, old people can keep your tired, old mattresses and grimy, old delivery trucks. A Casper mattress is simple, pure, clean, superior. Millennials are eating up the whole Casper gestalt; the mattresses are selling faster than avocado toast and Poké bowls.

Casper also has brick-and-mortar stores. Their pop-up store in San Francisco's Marina District is a model of Instagrammy Preciousness. According to one article, the store was "inspired by the feeling of waking up well-rested and refreshed — complete with the smell of fresh coffee and birds chirping." The store features "nap-pods" designed to look like life-size birdhouses, atop an Astro-turf floor. No, I'm not making this up.

I can't help but wonder: Can Millennials sustain this level of purity?  Or is it something they will outgrow when they outgrow their Lululemon yoga pants?

I don't know. I just know I find these Young Puritans endlessly fascinating. I'll continue to monitor their strange, exotic habits. When I do, I'll bring you more of my carefully curated observations.

 

 

 

I admit it. I love reading Glassdoor reviews. On Glassdoor, employees can post anonymous reviews of their respective workplaces. The site offers a tantalizing, voyeuristic glimpse into the work culture of thousands of companies.

Perusing company reviews on Glassdoor is endlessly fascinating and enlightening. After reading hundreds of reviews, I feel like I have
a much better grasp on why certain companies earn glowing 4-5 star ratings, while others barely muster a measly 2-3 stars – or God forbid, the dreaded 1 star.

Clearly, highly rated companies understand what employees want – and deliver.

So, what exactly do employees want? Challenging work? Flexible hours? Generous pay and benefits? Opportunities for professional growth?

Well, sure, all of those things are good.

But what employees want most appears to be…good snacks.

On Glassdoor, even the most heinous company, with a laundry list of “Cons”, can redeem itself, and avoid a poor rating, if said company merely offers tasty snacks (or better yet, free lunches and booze).

To illustrate, here is a sampling of actual headlines from companies with 1-star ratings:

  “Disaster”

 “Worst Place to Work”

 “Game of Thrones Without the Dragons”

 “Very Toxic”

 “RUN!!

However, directly below these damning headlines comes a list of positives:

Pros

The snacks

Bagels on Mondays with 3 tubs of cream cheese

Good selection of cold pressed juice

Free lunches and snacks are awesome!

At times, the juxtaposition of Pros and Cons can be a trifle amusing:

Pros:  Free bagels on Mondays!

Cons: They will find a way to make working here a living hell

Pros:  Cold-brew coffee and craft beer on tap

Cons: You WILL be overworked here

 Pros:  Delicious smoothies and yummy pastries

Cons: Sociopathic behavior is encouraged

 Pros:  3 meals a day, stocked kitchen, and a freaking brewmaster on site!!

Cons: CEO is an easily manipulated doofus who thinks he is a visionary

 Pros:  Catered lunches on Fridays

Cons: Constant layoffs and resignations

But remember, just offering free snacks and other food isn’t enough. You have to provide quality offerings. Don’t think for a moment that you are going to get away with stocking your office kitchen with a few bags of Cheetos, a couple of sad bananas, and cans of Red Bull chilling in the fridge. Heaven help the well intentioned Office Manager who offers a sub-standard culinary experience, as these comments demonstrate:

 Cons:

Wish there were better snacks

Only offer 5  flavors of La Croix water in fridge

Free lunch and dinner, not that good though

The breakfasts were terrible, but free

Today’s employees are a tough audience. And in the food-obsessed Bay Area, where food is oh-so-precious and a healthy sense of entitlement is a job requirement, the bar is even higher. Local employers are under pressure to please the most discriminating palates, as witnessed in this Glassdoor review:

 Pros:

“Free coffee and tea (coffee is small batch and local, none of that big box stuff”)

Imagine…being forced to drink big box coffee? Could be grounds for a  lawsuit (no pun intended).

Now, I like free snacks and food as much as the next person (maybe more, if my BMI is any indication). But I never considered snacks a major factor in accepting a job. Times have changed. Today, it’s all about the food. What started out as free pizza or Thai food delivered to employees who were occasionally required to work late, has now morphed into a mandatory perk. Some companies even boast their own gourmet cafeterias, with menus that rival 4-star restaurants.

No doubt, this feeding frenzy began with Bay Area tech companies and start-ups. These companies quickly discovered that the best way to lure hungry, young talent (and keep them there) was with lots and lots of food. In a USA Today article, Hadley Malcolm writes, “Perhaps to no one’s surprise, food at work is the most important to Millennials, vs other age groups, and they are also the most likely to say they wish their employer offered more snack options.”

What is it with these darned Millennials? Do they not eat except at work? If there were no free snacks in the office kitchen, would they starve? Maybe they’re still living at home, but Mom refuses to feed them? No wonder they are hoarding bagels and Greek yogurt.

Malcolm goes on to elaborate on the reasons for today’s snacking craze: “In recent years, some offices have turned into edible playgrounds, with a never-ending supply of pressed juice, granola, Greek yogurt, chips, cereal, cookies and even beer. And with a growing number of young start-ups and high-energy tech companies that have reimagined the workplace as communities with a shared purpose, rather than offices where a group of people all happen to be from 9-5, free food has become an integral part of the workday.”

“Communities with a shared purpose”? That’s one way to look at it. A more cynical view (such as mine) is that 9-5 has stretched to 9-whenever. A good way to get people to work endless hours is to endlessly feed them.

So it’s not surprising that one often finds a correlation between the Pros and Cons listed in a Glassdoor review. If the reviewer complains about “Zero work-life balance”, it’s a pretty sure bet the next paragraph will include “Awesome snacks and free meals!”.

In other words, you may be killing yourself at a modern day sweatshop, but hey, the Tuesday tacos are to die for.

Once in a while, a clear-eyed reviewer on Glassdoor sees through the food-as-bribery gambit. As one savvy employee said at the end of an especially negative review, “Don’t let the free food and adorable dogs cloud your perspective”. 

That’s a refreshing bit of honesty, but comments like that are rare. More often, employees seem to be eating it all up.